I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
