yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
