Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
