everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
