im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
