McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
