It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
