He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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