very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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