i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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