If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
