I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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