i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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