woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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