i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
