Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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