Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
