hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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