I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
