Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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