Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
