dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
