Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
