I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
