i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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