You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
