I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
