We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
