You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This baby is an asshole
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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