I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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