turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
