why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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