it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
