piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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