duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
