and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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