You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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