dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
