I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
