I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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