I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
