you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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