I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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