i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
