saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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