I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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