Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
