I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
