It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize