I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
