I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
