im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
