what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
