I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
