went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
