I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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