I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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