Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
