whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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