they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
