we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
a search helicopter?!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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