I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Randomize
