...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize