am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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