Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
