Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
