I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
