sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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