my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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