Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
