Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
