How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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