Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize