My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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