fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
