I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we made out on top of his cat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
