I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
