...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
