my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
