he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
