Life is so much better after having sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
