i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize