i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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