so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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