Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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