I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
