i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
