the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
there is glitter all over my balls
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