Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
