I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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